Examination To Become A Mayoman
Lest it be suggested that I am unable to joke about my native county (of which
I am inordinately proud, God help us) let me present you with the examination
which outsiders must first pass before they can become honorary Mayomen.
PART I (WRITTEN)
INSTRUCTIONS TO CANDIDATES
(a) Do not attempt to answer more than one question at a time.
(b) Do not attempt to write on both sides of the paper at the same time.
(c) On no account attempt Question 3.
(d) Slide Rules O.K.
N.B. Candidates caught cheating will be given extra marks for
initiative. All candidates are requested to use separate answer books.
Time Allowed : 6 weeks
1. Who won the Second World War? Who came second?
2. Explain in one sentence Einstein's Theory of Relativity OR write your name
in block capitals.
3. What is the number of this question?
4. Name the odd man out: The Chief Rabbi, The Pope, Jack the Ripper, The Archbishop
5. At the Irish Sheepdog Trials of 1972, how many sheepdogs were found guilty?
6. At what time is the nine o'clock news broadcast?
7. Spell each of the following words: DOG, CAT, PIG.
8. Write a tongue twister three times quickly.
9. There have been six kings of England named George. The latest was George
the Sixth - name the other five.
10. Quote four lines from any poem written in the English language or from
any other poem written in the English language.
N.B. This is the honours paper - there is a special pass version for Kerrymen.
PART II (PRACTICAL)
Leave the examination hall and persuade the first passer-by you meet to accompany
you through life, using irony where necessary.