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One Liners

Have you heard about the Corkman who bought a bunch of artificial flowers?
He went back to the shop trying to buy artificial water.

Have you heard the sad story of the Corkman who was a haemophiliac?
He tried to cure himself by acupuncture.

A Corkman became one of the world's leading surgeons. The highlight of his career came when he carried out the first appendix transplant.

First Corkman: 'I see where Murphy has just run a hundred metres in six seconds'.
Second Corkman: That's impossible, the world record is over nine seconds'.
First Corkman: 'Murphy found a shortcut'.

How do you recognise a Corkman 's cuckoo clock?
Every twenty-five minutes the cuckoo pops its head out and asks what time it is.

How do you sink a submarine designed by a Corkman?
Put it in water.

A Corkman joined the army and after three years service was awarded the special crossed knife and fork ensigma. This was to celebrate three years of eating with a knife and fork without accident.

A successful Cork businessman was boasting about how poor his family had been when he was a child. 'For the first five years', he claimed, 'I hadn't a stitch to wear. Then when I was six my mother bought me a cap and I used to sit looking out the window'.

A Corkman was on his first visit to the zoo. He was annoyed because he followed the sign LADIES but they were all locked in their cages where he couldn't see them.

A Corkman arrived home late one night in a state of more than mild intoxication. 'Where have you been?' asked his wife. 'I don't know', said the Corkman, 'but wherever it was it was terribly posh - they even had a golden toilet'. Next morning a fellow called round looking for compensation for his damaged saxaphone.


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