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One Liners

'Why did you steal £100,000?' the judge asked a Corkman who had pleaded guilty to robbery. 'I was hungry, your honour', replied the Corkman.

'I hear that your husband had a post-mortem operation', said one Corkwoman to another. 'Yes', replied the second Corkwoman, 'but not until after he was dead. If only they had done it a bit earlier it might have saved his life'.

A Corkman explained the fact that cream is more expensive than milk as follows -
Cream is dearer because they find it harder to make the cows sit on the smaller bottles.

What goes putt-putt-putt-putt ....... ?
A Cork golfer.

How many Corkmen does it take to change a light bulb?
A hundred - one to hold the bulb and ninety-nine to turn the room around.

Have you heard about the Corkman who committed suicide by drinking a can of varnish?
He had a terrible end but a beautiful finish.

'What are you buying your wife for her birthday?' one Corkman asked another.
'Some toilet water', said the second Corkman, 'but I'm told it's very expensive - up to £5 a bottle'.
"Why don't you come home to my house', said the first Corkman, 'and you can have all you want for free'.

Have you heard about the Corkman who became a streaker?
He ran fully clothed through a nudist colony.

Have you heard about the Cork photographer who used to save all his burned out light bulbs?
He used them in his darkroom.

Why do Corkmen make the best secret agents?
Even under torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to do.


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