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One Liners

A Corkman wanted to post a garden hose. He arrived up at the Post Office carrying a box one inch by one inch by fifty yards.

Have you heard about the Corkman who had to take a milk bath?
He couldn't find a cow tall enough to take a shower under.

A Corkman bought a genuine Rembrandt for £20.
'It's one of the few works he did in ballpoint', he told his friends proudly.

What's gross ignorance?
144 Corkmen.

'Did you hear the sad story about poor McCarthy?' one Corkman asked another. 'No', said the second Corkman,
'what happened to him?'
'A big steam hammer dropped forty feet onto his chest and killed him'.
'I'm not surprised', said the second Corkman, 'McCarthy always had a weak chest'.

Why do Cork Guards always travel in threes?
One who can read, one who knows how to make telephone calls, and the third a Special Branch man to keep an eye on two such dangerous intellectuals.

A Cork surgeon took his suit back to the tailor and complained. 'What's the matter with it?' asked the tailor. 'I don't know', said the surgeon, 'it was all right until I took the stitches out'.

A Corkman once invented a foolproof cure for seasickness -sit under a tree.

A five-foot Corkman saw an ad. in the paper - Increase your height for £10 - results guaranteed. So he sent away £10 and received by return of post a long thin parcel containing a pair of stilts.

A very ugly Corkman claimed that he had been born a beautiful baby but had been exchanged at birth by a spiteful nurse.

 
 


 
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