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One Liners

A Corkman's girlfriend decided to take the plunge and propose. 'Let's get married, darling', she suggested, 'and have three children'.
'Right'.said the Corkman, 'we'll have one of each'.

A Corkman received a hundred dollars from his uncle in America to celebrate the bicentennial.
These bicentennials are a great idea', said the Corkman, 'they should have one every year'.

Yet another Corkman was captured in the French Revolution and was sentenced to death by guillotine. Just as the blade was about to fall a letter arrived from the authorities containing a pardon.

A poor Corkman was so hard up that he had to sell his only possession - a saucepan. He explained, 'I only sold it to buy something to put in it'.

Cork is said to have the lowest mortality rate in the country. The reason is that most people wouldn't be found dead there.

A competition was organised to find a motto for Blarney Castle. It was won by a Corkman who submitted the following entry:

What's the longest one-way street in the world?
The road from Cork to Dublin.

How do you confuse a Corkman?
Put him in a barrel and tell him to stand in a corner.

Hell hath no fury like a Corkman scorned and traditionally his wrath has been directed towards Dubliners. Here then is a sample of what may hit the capital if Dubliners do not behave themselves.

What do you call a dead Dubliner?
A jack in the box.


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