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One Liners

Have you heard about the Corkman who took up water polo?
His horse got drowned.

Have you heard about the Corkman's dog who was sitting by the fire eating a bone?
When he got up he realised he had only three legs.

'My wife is most unreasonable', a Corkman told a marriage counsellor.
'Could you give me an example of her behaviour?' asked the counsellor.
'Yes', said the Corkman, 'only the other night I was having a bath when she burst into the bathroom and sank all my toy boats'.

A Corkman saw a sign outside a restaurant:
So he went inside and ordered one. He was served with a dish of Indian meal.

One Corkman owed another £5 for over a year so he finally decided to pay up.
'Do you know', said the second Corkman, 'I'd completely forgotten that I had lent you that money'.
'If only you'd told me that', said the first Corkman, 'I could have saved myself £5'.

'Gentlemen of the jury', shouted the crier in a Cork court, 'please proceed to your accustomed places'. The court erupted as the twelve Corkmen proceeded to cram themselves into the dock.

A Corkman's bicycle was stolen so he telephoned the Guards and reported the incident as follows:
'I came out of the pub and there was my new bike up against the wall, gone'.

How do you know if a Corkman and his wife are about to have a baby?
They put a Family Planning application notice in the newspapers.

A Corkman went into a restaurant in an area notorious for pickpockets and petty thefts. Seeing a notice:
WATCH YOUR COAT CAREFULLY. He sat in a position where he had a clear view of the coatrack all through his meal. When he came outside he found his trousers were missing.

On seeing a lobster pot for the first time and having been told what it was called, a Corkman exclaimed, 'I don't believe it. How would you get a lobster to sit on one of those things?'


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