Driving past the small country church one Saturday evening a farmer noticed a
number of children playing around the priest's new car which was parked outside
the church. He dismounted from his tractor and hunted the children away. Noticing
the keys in the ignition of the car, he sat in and drove the vehicle up a narrow
lane that ran behind the church. He hopped into the church then and approached
the long line of women that were kneeling, waiting for confession. He asked them
would they mind if he hopped in before them and, since he was renowned for his
good-living, they agreed for they assumed he would not be long. They did not know
that he was really only going into the confession box to give the priest the keys
of his car that he had driven to a safe place. Imagine the good ladies' surprise
when they heard the following conversation coming from the box, after some initial
Priest: 'Well what did you think of her?'
Farmer: 'A bit stiff at first, Father, but she was easy to handle when I got used
Priest: 'I hope you took precautions!'
Farmer: 'Oh there's never any danger once you keep them around fifty. I'm a slow
Priest: 'You weren't so slow the first night when the two of us tried her out.
(By the way, how will we get the tar spots off her! this was unheard outside)
Farmer: 'Oh, a little drop of spirits softens them up.'
Priest: 'Aye. The two of us must have another go soon, when the weather gets warmer.'
Farmer: 'Good idea, Father. They're easier to take off when she's hot. By the
way, the others will be fed up waiting for us to move.'
Priest: 'I believe her big end is made of stainless steel and whatever sort of
paint is on her is rustproof.'
Farmer: 'I noticed she was well painted all right. Must be nearly half an inch
thick on her.'
Priest: 'And they tell me her undercarriage is sealed. By the way, isn't it nearly
time you got one of your own?'
Farmer: 'Ah sure how could I afford one, Father. They're an expensive item.'
Priest: 'I know where there's a couple of well used ones.'
Farmer: (Quietly, unheard outside) Anyhow, Father, I only came in to give you
the keys and say where I left the car. Ill be off.
The farmer left the box. The women cast cold eyes upon the man that they had thought
to be a saint. They almost cast the statue of St Joseph at him when the priest
poked his head out of the door of the confession box and shouted up the aisle
after the farmer: