Seamus Cohen, the Russian Jew with Irish ancestors, was leaving Russia. Having
been expelled by the Brezhnev regime he was being searched at Moscow airport by
the RGB. In his bag they found a bust, recently painted by the looks of it.
'What is this?' asked the secret service man.
'What? What? This is not a what, it's a who. It's a bust of our dear departed
leader Lenin, the greatest man of all time. I'm taking it to Ireland to be part
of a shrine to the man.'
Suitably impressed the KGB let him leave but it wasn't long before he was
being asked similar questions as he tried to pass customs at Dublin airport.
'What is this?' they asked.
'What? What? This is not a what, it's a who. It's Lenin, the most evil man
in the history of the world. I'm going to place it in my bedroom in my son's house
to remind me of all the anguish I suffered in Russia, and how fortunate I am to
live here in beautiful Erin.'
Satisfied, the immigration officials allowed Cohen entry and he straightaway
made tracks for his son's home in Kildare. Unpacking his bags he brought out the
bust of Lenin.
'Who's that?' asked son Michael.
'Who? Who? That's not a who, it's a what,' said Cohen. 'And I'll tell you
what that is. Four kilos of platinum, that's what that is, son!'