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One Liners

How many Kerrymen does it take to paint an upstairs window?
Two, one to paint the window and one to hold the ladder.

How many Kerrymen does it take to paint a downstairs window?
Thirty-two, one to paint the window; one to hold the ladder; and thirty to dig a hole for the ladder.

A world famous symphony orchestra once arrived in a small Kerry village, to give a concert. At the interval, the conductor complained that the acoustics in the little hall were terrible., 'I know', said the owner of the hall, 'I've tried everything, I've even put down traps, but I can't shift them'.

A Kerryman was involved in an accident and was rushed to hospital. After a quick examination the surgeon decided to operate immediately. They found the cause of the trouble. A small particle of brain was found lodged in his skull.

How do you make a Kerryman burn his face?
Ring him up while he is ironing his trousers.

'Which side of the river has the most traffic?' asked a Kerry councillor.
'The North side', answered his clerk.
'Good', said the councillor, 'that's the side we'll build the bridge on'.

Oil has just been discovered off the coast of Kerry.
There's only one snag - it's too thick to pump ashore.

A Railway passenger asked a Kerryman what time the next train for Dublin was leaving at.
"The next train for Dublin', said the Kerryman, 'has just left'.

Announcement in a Kerry army camp:
The parade will take place on next Sunday afternoon. If the afternoon is wet the parade will take place on Sunday morning.

What constitutes a seven course meal for a Kerryman?
A six-pack and a boiled potato.



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