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One Liners

A Kerryman was sentenced to be hanged, but saved his life by dying in prison.

A Kerryman complained that his wife spent very little time at home.
'For every once she comes in', he continued, 'she goes out ten times'.

What do you find on the bottom of Guinness bottles destined for Kerry?
Open other end.

Kerryman viewing a broken window:-
'It's worse than I thought. It's broken on both sides'.

Have you heard about the Kerry referee?
He used to play extra time before the match, in case there would be fog.

On seeing a flat tyre on his car, a Kerryman consoled himself by saying that at least it was only flat at the bottom.

Two Kerrymen were out fishing. 'This is a marvellous spot for fishing', said the first, 'how will we find it again?' 'Don't worry', said the second, 'I've put a mark on the side of the boat'.
'You fool', said the first, 'we might not get this boat next time'.

What's the best selling game in Kerry at Christmas?
The one-piece jigsaw.

Three Kerrymen were invited to a fancy dress ball.
They went as Alias, Smith and Jones.

Have you heard about the Kerryman who pulled a fast one on the Post Office?
He bought 10,000 seven-penny stamps before the postal charges went up.



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