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One Liners

What do you find off the coast of Kerry?
Underwater lighthouses for the submarines.

How do you recognise a £1 note forged by a Kerryman?
Look for the words ILLEGAL TENDER.

A Kerryman went to a psychiatrist to get some help for his wife.
'She's got a morbid fear of having her clothes stolen, doc', he told the psychiatrist. 'Only two days ago I went home early and found she had hired a fellow to stay in the wardrobe and guard them'.

Have you heard about the Kerrywoman who tried to iron her curtains?
She fell out the window.

A Kerryman was being treated for years by the doctor for lumbago. Just as the treatment had taken effect, the Kerryman died of a rare tropical disease - frostbite. 'At least', the- doctor consoled his widow, 'you have the consolation of knowing he died cured'.

A Kerryman had identical twin sons named Shane and Bryan. When asked how he could tell them apart he replied, 'I put my finger in Shane's mouth and if he bites me I know it's Bryan'.

A Cork girl wanted to marry a Kerryman, but her parents refused to give their consent. The lovers decided to commit suicide by jumping off the Cliffs of Moher. Only the girl hit the water, however. The Kerryman got lost on the way down.

Kerry workman to his workmate:
'Don't come down that ladder, Mick, I've taken it away'.

Have you heard about the Kerryman who went into a posh restaurant?
He ordered an expensive four-course meal, paid for it, and then sneaked out without eating it.

A tourist travelling in Kerry ordered coffee without cream in a cafe.
We haven't a drop of cream in the house, sir', said the waitress,
Would it do if I served you coffee without milk?'



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