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One Liners

What do you call a Kerryman with eight honours in his Inter Cert?
A liar.

A Kerryman was selling his cow at the market.
'She'll give milk year after year without having a calf, he told a prospective buyer, 'because she came of a cow that never had a calf.

There were ninety-eight Kerrymen jammed into a bus, so the conductor called out "There's no need for all this crush, there's another bus behind'. So the ninety-eight Kerrymen got out of the first bus and jammed into the bus behind.

A Kerryman bought a watch at a sale but returned a few days later and complained that the watch lost fifteen minutes in each hour.
'Of course it does', said the jeweller, 'my sign says, ALL WATCHES 25% OFF'.

Two Kerrymen each had a horse, but they couldn't tell them apart. So the first cut the tail off his horse, and all went well for a while. But then the second Kerryman's horse lost its tail in an accident, so they were back where they started. Finally, they consulted a wise man in the village where they lived and he said: 'Can't you two fools see that the black horse is three inches taller than the white horse?'

It is not widely known that God at first intended to have His son bom in Kerry. There was only one snag - He couldn't find three wise men.

What do you call a Kerryman who is hanging from the ceiling?
Sean D'Olier.

A Kerryman got a job driving a one-man bus. One day there was a terrible crash and he was charged with dangerous driving. When asked by the judge what had happened he retorted,
'How should I know, I was upstairs collecting fares at the time'.

What do you find at the top of a Kerry ladder?
A STOP sign.

A Kerryman was giving a lecture on Archaeology. 'Look at some of the cities of antiquity', he exclaimed, 'some of them have perished so utterly that it is doubtful whether they ever existed'.



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