A Kerryman was reporting to the Guards that his wife had gone swimming over
a month previously, and hadn't returned. He was now worried that she had drowned.
'Did she have any distinguishing features?' asked the sergeant.
'She spoke with a pronounced stutter', said the Kerryman.
A Kerryman's wife had just given birth to a baby, of all things. 'Guess what
it is?' the Kerryman asked a friend. 'A boy', said the friend. 'No', said the
Kerryman, 'guess again'. 'A girl', said the friend.
'Ah', said the Kerryman, 'who told you?'
How many Kerrymen does it take to hang a picture?
Thirty! One to hold the ladder, one to hold the screw, and twenty-eight to turn
the wall around.
A Kerryman arrived up at work over four hours late. 'What excuse do you have
this time?' asked the boss. "The trouble with me', said the Kerryman, 'is
that I sleep very slowly'.
A rocket on its way to the moon contained a Kerryman and a monkey, each having
his instructions in a sealed envelope. When the monkey opened his envelope he
read: 1. Check oxygen levels in lunar module. 2. Prepare retro-rockets for minor
course adjustments. 3. Examine all technical apparatus and check efficiency levels.
When the Kerryman opened his envelope his instructions read: Feed the monkey.
What do you call a Kerryman who keeps bouncing his head off the wall?
A Kerryman on a building site was working at a furious rate, carrying a huge
load of bricks up a ladder every thirty seconds. 'Why are you working so hard?'
asked his mate. 'I've got them all fooled', grinned the Kerryman, 'I'm carrying
the same load of bricks up all the time'.
A Kerry town had just provided a beautiful ornamental lake for its town park.
One councillor proposed that they buy a gondola and place it on the lake.
'I've got a better idea', said a second councillor, 'why not buy two gondolas,
a male and a female, and let Nature take its course?'
Two Kerrymen attended a performance by the world's leading blind pianist.
'It wouldn't matter to him if he wasn't blind', remarked one Kerryman afterwards.
'How do you make that out?' asked the other Kerryman.
'Well, I kept a close eye on him all evening and he never looks at the piano anyhow'.
Two Kerrymen were in a space rocket. The first left the rocket on a space
walk, and when he returned he knocked on the capsule door.
'Who's there?' asked the second Kerryman.