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What do you get if you cross a Kerryman with an elephant
A Kerryman who will never forget you, a dirty look from the elephant, and the Nobel prize for biology.

A Kerryman on a trip to London picked up two books called "HOW TO HUG" and "FROM SEX TO SIN". He smuggled them in past the customs but, when he arrived home, he found that he had bought two odd volumes of an old encyclopaedia.

What's an Irish Biafran?
A Kerryman who goes to mass twice on Sundays.

'Did you get as much as you expected for your cow?
a neighbour asked a Kerryman on his way home from the market.
'I didn't get as much as I expected', said the Kerryman,
'but then I didn't expect I would'.

A Kerryman was sentenced to be shot by a firing squad, so he was asked if he wanted to make a last request. 'No', he replied, 'there's nothing I want'. 'How about a cigarette?'.
'No', said the Kerryman, 'I'm trying to give them up'.

A Kerryman on a visit to Dublin, asked a guard what time it was.
'A quarter past three', answered the guard.
'This is a crazy city', said the Kerryman, 'I've been asking people all day and I've got a different answer every time'.

Did you hear about the Kerryman who took his car for a service?
He couldn't get it in the church door.

Two Kerrymen were out shooting duck. The first Kerryman took aim, fired, and shot down a duck which landed at his feet. 'You could have saved the shot', said the second Kerryman, 'the fall would have killed it anyway'.

Have you heard about the Kerryman who set fire to his jacket?
He wanted a blazer.

A Kerryman's house went on fire, so he phoned the fire brigade and told them to come at once.
'Have you been doing anything to quench the blaze?' asked the fire chief.
'Yes', said the Kerryman, 'I've been pouring water on it".
'Well there's no point in us coming over', said the fire chief, 'that's all we do'.



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