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One Liners

A Kerryman was lost in a big city, so he asked a passer-by where the other side of the street was.
'Why it's over there', said the passer-by, pointing to the other side of the street.
That's funny', said the Kerryman, 'I was over there a few minutes ago and they told me it was over here.

A Kerryman on his way home on a dark night fell into a drain by the roadside. He waved his fist up at the sky and shouted in disgust, 'Blast you for a moon, you'd be out on a bright night'.

A Kerrywoman heard her young son using a number of words and phrases that she considered objectionable. 'Who did you get those words from?' she asked him. 'I got them from Shakespeare, mother', he replied.
'Well don't ever play with him again'.

Two Kerrymen were walking along a railway line at night. 'This is a heck of a long flight of stairs', said the first. 'It's not the number of steps that's worrying me', said the second, 'it's the low railings'.

What's an oscillator?
A Kerryman who eats donkeys.

A Kerryman who was scared to death of bombs took a bomb in his suitcase every time he flew to England. He figured that the chances of two people carrying a bomb on the same flight were virtually nil.

A Kerryman got a job as an electrician's assistant. 'Here', said the electrician one day, 'grab one of these two wires. Do you feel anything?' 'No', said the Kerryman.
'Well don't touch the other wire. It's got 10,000 volts in it'.

A dangerous criminal had escaped, so the police issued the usual photographs: left profile, front view, and right profile. A few days later they received the following telegram from a Kerry detective:
'Have captured the fellow on the left, and the fellow in the middle, and .at the rate I'm going it won't be long before I get the fellow on the right as well'.

What do you call a Kerryman with one ear?
Half blind.

What do you call a Kerryman with no ears?
Totally blind.



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