How can a 4 ft. 11 ins. Kerryman join the Guards?
Only if he lies about his height.
Have you heard about the Kerryman who went to a drive-in movie?
He didn't like the show so he slashed the seats.
A Kerryman visited Harley Street and got an appointment with a famous plastic
'Are you the famous plastic surgeon?' asked the Kerryman.
'I am that', replied the plastic surgeon.
'In that case', said the Kerryman, 'how much would it cost to have this plastic
One Kerryman bet another that he couldn't carry him across Niagara Falls on
a tightrope. After a hair-raising trip they made it to the other side. As one
Kerryman handed over the bet of £100 to the other he sighed 'I was sure
I had won the bet when you wobbled halfway over'.
Then there was the Kerryman who joined the 75th regiment of the army, to be
near his brother who was in the 76th regiment.
As the Titanic was sinking, a Kerryman was swimming madly round the ship,
shouting 'Where's the dance, where's the dance?'
'What do you mean, "dance"?' asked a drowning passenger.
'I heard an announcement only ten minutes ago', said the Kerryman, 'a-band-on
ship, a-band-on ship'.
A Kerryman who went to London was shown great kindness by a Pakistani bus
conductor. As he stepped off the bus, he said, 'Thank you very much sir, and I
hope your head gets better soon'.
A lady hired a Kerryman to look after her goldfish. One day she asked him
if he had changed the water in the goldfish bowl. 'Indeed I haven't', he replied,
'they didn't drink what I gave them last week'.
A Kerryman who fell a hundred feet from a building was asked if the fall had
'It wasn't the fall at all', he replied, 'but the sudden stop'.
'I suppose', he added after a few minutes' reflection, 'that I was lucky that
the ground broke my fall'.
A Kerryman stated in his will that he wished to be buried at sea. Three of
his friends were drowned, digging the grave.