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One Liners

A Kerryman joined the army, but forgot to take his overcoat with him. His mother posted the coat to him, with the following note:
Dear Son,
I'm sending on your overcoat which you forgot. To save postage I've cut off the buttons.
Your loving Mother. P.S. You'll find the buttons in the pocket.

How do you get £20 from a Kerryman?
Ask him to lend you £40. Then say, 'Look give me £20.
Then you'll owe me £20, I'll owe you £20 and we'll be all square'.

A Kerryman's house caught fire, so he rushed to the nearest telephone kiosk and dialled very quickly.
'Hello, is that 999?'
'No. This is 998'.
'Well, would you nip in next door and tell them my house is on fire?'.

A Kerryman's definition of a negro:
A man so black that charcoal would leave a white mark on him.

Two Kerrymen were building a house.
'Hey', said the first Kerryman, 'these nails are defective. The heads are on the wrong end'.
'You fool', said the second Kerryman, 'those are for the other side of the house'.

What do you call a Kerryman who marries a gorilla?
A social climber.

An American in a pub bet a Kerryman £50 that he couldn't drink ten pints of stout in ten minutes.
'You're on', said the Kerryman, 'give me a few minutes to prepare myself, and he vanished out the door. Fifteen minutes later he returned and drank the ten pints of stout in ten minutes.
'I knew I could manage it', said the Kerryman, 'because I just did it in the pub next door'.

How do you brainwash a Kerryman?
Fill his Wellingtons with water.

Having visited all the animals in the Zoo, a Kerryman spent half an hour looking for the Exit, but finally decided that it must have escaped.

A Kerryman got a job as a deep-sea diver. One day he got the following message:-
'Come up immediately, we're sinking'.



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