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One Liners

'Hello, is that Tralee two, double two, double two?'
'No, you've got the wrong number. This is Tralee double two, double two, two'.
'Sorry for troubling you in the middle of the night'.
That's all right, I had to get up anyway because the phone was ringing'.

A Kerrywoman went to the Zoo and saw a notice over the kangaroo's cage:
'A NATIVE OF AUSTRALIA'. She turned to her friend, and said,
'And to think my sister married one of them things'.

Then there was the Kerryman who learned to cut his fingernails with his left hand, in case he ever lost his right.

Have you heard about the Kerryman who won the Nobel Prize for Agriculture?
He was simply a man out standing in his own field.

Two Kerrywomen were talking at a bus stop.
'I don't know what to buy my little boy for his birthday', said the first.
'Why not buy him a book?' asked the second.
'Don't be 'crazy', said the first, 'he's got a book already'.

A little Kerry lad asked his mother if he could go outside to watch the eclipse of the sun.
'Yes', she replied, 'but don't stand too near'.

A Kerryman was on the boat to Holyhead when there was a shout of 'Man overboard'. The Captain shouted 'throw in a buoy', so the Kerryman grabbed a little eight-year-old boy and threw him into the water.
'No, you fool', said the Captain, 'I meant a cork buoy'. 'How the heck was I to know what part of Ireland he was from?' roared the Kerryman.

A Kerryman visiting the Zoo stood in front of the snake-house, putting his tongue out at the snakes. 'What's going on here?' asked a keeper.
'Look', said the Kerryman, 'they started it'.

Kerry sergeant to his regiment during a battle: 'Keep firing men, and don't let the enemy know we are out of ammunition'.

A Kerryman rushed into an insurance office and said, 'I'd like to buy some house insurance please'.
'Certainly sir', said the clerk, 'just fill in these forms'.
'I can't wait that long', said the Kerryman, 'my house is on fire'.



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