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Notice in Senior Kerry Girls School:
Please keep this door shut and try to keep your mouth the same way.

SHOPKEEPER 'Have you any experience in porcelain?' KERRY GIRL: Yes. Many years, sir.' SHOPKEEPER: 'Well, what do you do if you break a very valuable piece?' KERRY GIRL: 'I glue it together again and place it where some customer will knock it over.' SHOPKEEPER You're hired!'

What is the definition of a wealthy Kerry woman?
A woman who has paid all the instalments on her false teeth.

What's a pauper?
The man who marries a Kerry Woman.

FIRST KERRY WOMAN: 'And she told me you told her the secret I told you not to tell her.'
SECOND KERRY WOMAN: The mean thing. I told her not to tell you I told her.'
FIRST KERRY WOMAN: 'Well, I told her I wouldn't tell you she told me, so don't tell her I told you.'

Then there is the Kerry woman who giftwraps her rubbish every week. She drives into Limerick, leaves the window open and the parcel on the front seat. Every time she goes back to the car the rubbish has always been collected.

WORKMAN: 'He who courts and runs away, may live to court another day.'
KERRY WOMAN: Yes, but he who courts and does not wed, may find himself in court instead.'

KERRY FISHERMAN PROPOSING TO YOUNG WIDOW: 'Molly, darling, your boat is drifting down the stream of life with no strong hand to steer it safely past the rocks. May I be your captain and sail it for you?'
KERRY WIDOW: 'No, Jack, but you may be my second mate if you like.'

SCHOOL INSPECTOR IN A LONDON SCHOOL: 'Have you any abnormal children in your class, Miss Murphy?'
KERRY TEACHER 'Oh yes, Inspector. One or two of them have good manners.'

KERRY FATHER TO HIS DAUGHTER: "Who was that man I saw you kissing last night, Mary?'
MARY: What time was it. Dad?'


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