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ENGLISH MINISTER 'Don't you want to go to Heaven when you die?'
KERRY WOMAN: 'No, if Heaven was any great shakes, the English would have grabbed it centuries ago.'

So you deny having stolen two thousand pounds from your boss?' the Kerry secretary Is asked In court.
What do you mean?' she defends herself. 'Where on earth would the two thousand pounds have come from? Look at our tax declarations - for the last four years the firm is only working at a loss!'

Hallo, there,' someone shouts at a Kerry woman just getting off the bus. 'Does this packet belong to you? You almost forgot it.'
Thank you, please put It back. That is the lunch for my husband. He works at the lost property office,'

How did the Kerry woman get her husband out of the bath?
She turned on the water.

A Kerry secretary rushes into the office of her boss: 'Imagine, the cashier has disappeared!'
'For heaven's sake, Miss Brown, go and look into the safe quickly!'
'I have done that already, he isn't there either!'

Kerry widow was finalising details with her insurance company. She was claiming on her husband's life policy. The official inquired: 'Did your husband die a natural death?
'Oh no,' the widow replied, 'he was on the National Health Service. . .'

CORKMAN: 'Why is your wife always smiling?'
KERRY HUSBAND: 'Her false teeth are too big for her!"

Why did the Kerry woman cross minks with kangeroos?
She wanted to get fur coats with pockets in them.

A Kerry mother's children are out on the road playing when she shouts at them: 'Didn't I tell ye to tell the neighbours that your dad has gone away for a fortnight not fourteen days.'

Did you hear how the Kerry wife kept her husband's head cold from going to his chest?
She tied a knot in his throat.

FIRST KERRY WAITRESS: 'Isn't it sad about Mary being put into the lunatic asylum?'
SECOND KERRY WAITRESS: 'It's no wonder. She was working in this cafe for five years and then she found out that we got paid.'


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