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One liners

'Listen boys,' said the football coach. 'We've got to equalise before they score or we've got no chance!'

'We're in trouble today,' said the coach. 'Everything in our favour is against us!'

When Dublin played Down in the all-Ireland final, it was the only case in history when 30,000 people carried banners saying - 'Up Down!'

'It looks as if it may get foggy later on,' said the match referee. 'So just to be sure, I suggest we play extra time first.'

'Agreed!' said the two team captains.

There were five horses in the race and Murphy had backed numbers one, two, three and four.

'What won?' he asked the bookie. 'Number 5,' was the answer. 'Do you know,' said Murphy, 'that was the one I was afraid of!'


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