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One Liners

What do you call a junior Orangeman?
A pipsqueak.

What's the Ulster definition of passion?
Heavy rain in Ballymena.

What do they do about sex in Ballymena?
Have their tea.

Billy went for a job and was asked if he'd filled in the questionnaire.
So he went outside and beat up the doorman.

Two Belfast women are walking past the Gramophone Shop in front of the City Hall when this music comes wafting out.
'That's Nat King Cole says one.
'Well, who is it then?' says the other.

What's a creche?
A car accident in Chenyvalley.

They don't have rates in Cherryvalley.
They have mice.

This man walks into a bar up the Falls Road with a crocodile on a leash.
'Excuse me, he says to the barman, 'do you serve Protestants?'
'Yes, says the barman, 'we're fairly liberal.' 'Well, says the customer, 'give me a pint of Guinness and two Protestants for the crocodile.'

A Belfast man was walking through Roselawn Cemetery when he came upon a headstone inscribed: 'Here lies a politician and an honest man.'
'Boys-a-dear, he said, 'I wonder how they got the two of them in the one grave?'

A Ballymena man went to the fancy-dress ball dressed as Napoleon so that he could keep his hand on his wallet.


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