One Liners

A Ballymena man counted his change six times at the shop counter.
'What's the matter?' asked the assistant. 'Didn't I give you enough?'
'Yes, but only just.'

Two Strabane men had been shipwrecked on an iceberg for six months in 1912 when one turned to the other.
'We're saved,' he said. 'Here comes the Titanic!'

A Ballymena man went out of the house on Christmas Eve and fired a single shot, then came back in and told his children that Santa Claus had committed suicide.

Why do traffic wardens have a yellow stripe around their hats?
To stop people parking on their heads.

Three Ballymena men went to one of Ian Paisley's services for the first time. Halfway through the service, Paisley announced that the collection would be taken.
'Nothing less than a fiver, friends,' be boomed from the pulpit.
One of the Ballymena men fainted on the spot, and the other two carried him out.

Why did the Ballymena man buy a black and white dog?
Because the licence was cheaper.

How do you get a Ballymena man onto the roof?
Tell him the drinks are on the house.

'Bridget, Kevin's just been run over by a steamroller.'
I'm in the bath. Just slide him under the door.'

Downtown Radio newsflash... 'Ian Paisley was rushed to hospital last night in Ballymena. He was out walking when he was run over by a speedboat.'

How do you tell a Ballymena restaurant?
There are forks in the sugar bowl.