Walking On Water
Secretary of State Tom King is kneeling by his bed in Hillsborough Castle one
night praying to Maggie Thatcher for divine guidance.
'Dear Maggie,' he prays, 'no matter how well I do, the people in this place never
give me any credit for it. What can I do to become more popular?'
There is a distant hum and crackling of static, and a voice booms like thunder
from the ceiling: 'SUMMON THE PEOPLE TO THE RIVER.'
So next day Tom holds a press conference and calls all the people of Northern
Ireland to gather along the banks of the Bann at noon the following Monday.
On the Monday, the entire population of the province - except for a couple of
Bangor solicitors, who are on holiday in the Bahamas - turn up on the banks of
the Bann to see what's going to happen. After a few minutes a helicopter emerges
from the cloud and lands and Tom gets out looking a little nervous behind the
'What now, Maggie?' he asks.
'NOW WALK OVER THE WATER,' booms the voice from the clouds.
Hesitantly, Tom approaches the water's edge and steps onto the river. And lo and
behold, he is able to walk all the way across...
Exultant, he has almost reached the other bank when he hears a low grumbling from
'Typical,' it says. 'The man can't even swim.'