This Derry man who's a fanatic about watches, but has never been able to afford
one, wins a million in an accumulator at the bookies. So the first thing he does
is get on a flight to London, go into the biggest jewellers he can find in Bond
Street, and ask for the best watch in the shop.
'I think this is what sir is looking for,'says the smarmy assistant. 'It's solid
gold and platinum, encrusted with diamonds; it took three years to make by the
best craftsmen in Geneva, who destroyed the plans when they'd finished it; and
inside it there is the finest in state-of-the-art timekeeping technology. You
will never need to alter it from the moment you put it on, for it's guaranteed
not to gain or lose a second for the next thousand years.
'I'll take it,' says the Derry man, writing out a cheque for £250,000.
So he gets the Shuttle back to Northern Ireland and that night he's sitting at
home watching the TV when News at Ten comes on. He looks at the watch and it's
showing a quarter past six. Enraged, he jumps up and runs into the kitchen, where
he finds his youngest son feeding the five greyhounds.
'You wee bugger,' he says, smacking him round the back of the head. 'Have you
been messing around with that TV?'